Bruce as a father...
Was Bruce the perfect father? No, definitely not, but there were those moments throughout the book where Alison and him had this good connection. At various points during the book it seemed like Alison and Bruce had a normal father-daughter-relationship, but is that enough to call it a good relationship? Or did Bruce even put in all of his effort to make their relationship the best it can be? I think the first pages of the book were making me hopeful that it is a story of a daughter and her father with a happy ending. How Alison described them playing together. Bruce appeared like a good father to me and I could not have known how big his secret is. After Alison talked about her experience growing up with a Dad who always wants her to dress in pink dresses and wants her to live in a pink room, I just thought he didn’t want his daughter to turn out in a way that is not stereotypical for this time and I would have not expected that he was trying to live through her.
A secret as big as his is probably not easy to live with in the 70s/80s and especially not if you have a wife and kids which you are probably trying to love but not being able to, because you feel more love for somebody else. Him not being able to express his true self and not being able to tell anybody about his true identity made him appear more distant from his kids. I think, if Alison would have known about his attraction to other men she might have had a better relationship with him, especially after she notices that she is a lesbian. Part of me understands that it is hard to live with a secret like that, but I also think it was not fair to his kids that he couldn’t show them the love that they deserved and that they never got to experience a deep connection to their dad.
I think you can see a connection between his parenting and role as a father and his secret of being gay. Especially in the society around the 70s/80s it was a bigger deal than it is now and maybe now he would not have to deal with the fear of anybody finding out that he is gay and he could be a better father to Alison. I would still say he was not the perfect father, but living with a secret like this and being too scared to tell anybody, I can understand that he could not be the same like other Dads and that he still loved his kids, but he was just not able to express it like other dads.
I agree in some ways, I think that Allison's relationship with her father could've been much different had he confided in her about it. After finding out the real story, it does start to make sense why he acted the way he did, but I wish he could've at least confided in her especially after her coming out.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I agree with you in multiple ways, I think that Bruce was a decent dad towards his kids because he did try but I think even though it wasn't as widely accepted back then that he should of came out about his affairs and love towards men to his family. I think this would of allowed them to have a better connection because it wouldn't be him trying to live through them. I think it does make sense how the dad acted though considering the circumstances. I know that Allison and him did connect on some things which was important for their relationship to be how it was.
ReplyDeleteGood post! I like how you point out the genuine moments of connection between Alice and Bruce (especially because it seems like we only focus on the bad parts of their relationship). Although a big part of their relationship is shaped by their sexualities, I think also it is exacerbated by Bruce's own personality--he doesn't seem like the kind of person to openly express affection at all.
ReplyDeleteHey, I agree with your points about how Bruce's secrecy would have influenced his interaction with his children. Another way to frame Bruce's fatherhood in light of his sexual identity would be that his children (in fact his whole marriage) is the result of him being dishonest about his identity. Therefore, his children are reminders that his life had been confined by his own secrecy and that he must keep his secret for the rest of his life. Also, (correct me if I am wrong) I think the general social expectation for a father's role in his family may have been different in the 70s/80s compared to now (and thus Bruce's distant behavior could partly have been influenced by this social context). For example, Jason's dad Michael also seems to have a pretty negative impact on the dynamic of his family, at least most of the time.
ReplyDeleteI agree that there are a lot of connection with Bruce's parenting style and him being closeted but I also think that in some regards Bruce wasn't a good parent ( in some ways not all) because he doesn't/didn't really like kids, I think its clear that the relationship between Bruce and Allison progressed as she got older because he found himself able to relate to her as a young adult which is something he couldn't do for little Allison
ReplyDeleteI think that while some of the ways Bruce treated his children are entirely inexcusable no matter what circumstances he had to put up with, it's at least very possible to sympathize with Bruce by the end of the novel. When he was first introduced, I absolutely hated Bruce and while I wouldn't say he redeemed himself, my feelings of disgust have definitely been muddied a bit by the end of the novel. Nice post.
ReplyDeleteA big part of Bruce's parenting in Alison's childhood was his controlling nature. He not only needed every aspect of the house to be perfect, including his children, he did not want them to be gay like him, so he tried his best to discourage any aspect of questioning that arose in his children, like when Alison did not want to wear girl's clothes or was looking at the truck driver lesbian. He wasn't a great father, but he at least realized that he wanted a better life for his children than the life that he had, and that's something. (He should have been less controlling and more open to his children though)
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